Deep Green

Last time I ate a tasty burger with a purple cabbage. And so forth right at the moment I discovered the existence of a purple coloured cabbage. It tasted like cabbage.

And then I remembered my mom and my ex-nanny brought home and bake a kuih using a purple yam. It tasted like yam.

And my little sister can fry the best fried brinjal with sweet soy ketchup. Brinjal is also a purple vegetable.

'Manggis' is purple, grape is purple, Barney is purple. Barney is a children eating genetically-modified-godzilla-like vegetable monster.

Therefor as expected, I ingeniously concluded that Purple is just another 'green'.

By right, Zainal Abidin should now sing "kulihat unguuuuuu...."

Of Friendly Gas Station Workers and Ramadhan

Ramadhan is back! I'm welcoming it, to those who despise it over their agnostic 'comfort zone' or such other 'coolness of being the non-pious', I suggest that you should consider recreating Benjamin Franklin electricity experiment, using a metal wire for the kite rope, and curse god while you're at it. Do not take me wrong, I said it with all the good spirit of ramadhan and being a polite and soft-spoken person that I am, otherwise I would just bitch it all out to you, "go rot in hell you apostates!!"

Ramadhan is sacred to me and I intend to respect it deeply, maybe this isn't the proper way how to describe it (spiritually and intelligently) but this whole month feel 'magical'. It feel much more heartfelt to be discovering my inner and spiritual identity. To know your place and Who put you here and how well you know Him or just to get the glimpse of revelation on how well you let yourself be connecting, or superficially speaking, let God knows what you are as his most humble servant. Closing the gap between us and The Creator.

This year, as supposedly as last 2,3,5 years pervious, i am kinda, more than halfheartedly determined to perform the Terawih as many night as possible. Not denying whenever I'm home in Kuala Lipis, my father harsh insistence being also a contributing factor to the noble quest. Other than that i am a faithful servant to no avail.

I have no problem with fasting, religious obligation aside, i think it's cool to fast. It challanges living creature nature of feeding and eating for continuos survival. It beat the purpose of life as to only obtaining food. The need of Food is a default weakness of mere mortal. Challanging my hunger, while still performing my normal routine and chores, means i am doing something beyond mere mortal may comprehend. That's empoweringly cool!

And fasting have the power to change the world, just ask Mahatma Gandhi, or other immortal activist who perform hunger strike to freak the soul out of authority to follow their demand. Fearless hungry men and women with a cause, now that's ACE!

Except for bullemic and people on diet, they're just freakin loser. Immortal don't need to care for something as trivial as your figurine. Super powered immortal like us, we only stop eating to scare people off and demonstrate our power.

Anyway, for the last two days i encountered a couple of very friendly gas station workers, i mean in a professional way of delivering friendly and quality service. But it's like, it's a freaking gas station, not that i'm looking down of such occupation but what do they expect? To be notice and promoted as vice CEO of Petronas? I don't care about how outstanding and profesional customer service they providing me or how poorly trained they are, i don't mind if they asked me repeatedly on how much i wanna put in my gas. I understand them if they are like that, i've been there, i've tasted their struggle, a fellow of the humble low waged working class.

But then Ramadhan revelation kicks in, leaving me feeling ashamed of myself. i've been disgraceful as super powered fearless-of-hunger immortal. What's wrong with being committed to everything that we do? no matter how other people see it as not important. If you do anything, do it properly and as best as you can. That's what i learnt. what good if you are a super powered fearless-of-hunger immortal if you're not passionate with what you do. It's not a matter of enslaving oneself or being workoholic, it's about serving the best and doing the best you can. If everything is done with the utmost effort in this world. I would have stop complaining, and thus no need to use my power as fearless-of-hunger immortal. the world will be a lot less pain in everyone ass if people see everything littles, matters equally.

So this Ramadhan, I've learn professionalism. How very profoundly unmaterialistic and unworldly lesson.

Emo driving destroy the world

Driving aimlessly around the city on an empty highway listening to 'the speeding car' from Mono with not so speeding speed, (below 70km/hr to be exact) in the middle of the night, window wide open, blistering cold late night air sweep the bare face skin, chilling down the spine for emo-style execution of self-inflicted pain (of bitting coldness through the bone, which is actually quite relaxing), cigarette on one hand while the other on the steering and feeling all blue (tears gushing is optional for more dramatic emo effect), is like the emoest thing to do.

driving is so much associated with emo, just like mechanical pencil...... i still don't know how the hell a mechanical pencil being associated with emo but people from the Malaise forum think it does. i guess a much truer emo guy use it to stab themselves and use the blood to sign their love letter or poem or something, by using a pencil, especially a mechanical one, sort of potraying the image of a squirl or a geek (or in my term: "the classic emo-look"), saying something in the letter that goes something like "i hope your tears will wet this letter stained of my blood when you realize you killed me and it's all too late Natalie Portman....!!", with the scene of a bunch of goth 'emo' school kids having a group hug at the background as a token of unintelect emo appreciation of emo driven act.

hell, i'll smokes to that.

anyway driving is such a classic act of emoism. provided that you are alone and all messed up inside. this is an important criterion which indicate weather your driving will be considered emo or plain adrenaline pumping scremo a.k.a 'rempit' kind of driving. okay maybe i should just call this indie, sometimes lo-fi, sometimes shoegazing emo driving but just 'emo' for short sort of having the disoriented edge to it. which describe exactly the state of when emo people driving, slow, half-sober, unfocused and of no specified direction as opposite of fast, full throttle, highly focused driving.

i'm guessing this is the reason of why so many bands having a band's name or song's title which associated with driving or car. It probabbly symbolize a subliminal sense of 'emoism' amid the automotive world. At The Drive In, Christie Front Drive, The Long Drive, Drive Like Jehu, or mostly Mineral songs have something to do with being emo while driving (If I Could etc), is just a few examples how the existence of 'emoness' of driving and the mood to be in the blue while driving, alone, or when your special passanger sleeping next to your seat. yeah driving can be emo like that.

before the oil price hike, back home in Kuala Lipis i can have my emo driving of driving aimlessly around town with just rm2.00 worth of fuel. i can cover the whole town area with just that amount of petroleum. today emo driving have become a costly habit. nonetheless emo driving is a necessary therapy to keep me sane. i can't be lock at home or in my room, i need to go out and breath the night air, i need to do something while listening to emo songs and feeling all emo (thus, driving). otherwise i might resort to stabbing myself with a mechanical pencil and write stupid emo poem.

but emo driving have many setback, for starter, the likelihood of you getting into accident due to excessive emoness to the point of physical expression exceed the safety limit is quite high. but mostly would not result in fatal since the considerably slow speed of the car and the low traffic of late nite hours. and secondly, emo driving is the only form of therapy that contribute to the emission of green house gases, adding to the fact that it is a aimless, pointless, undetermined direction kind of driving which some consider a complete waste of petroleum. imagine the amount of fuel wasted when 50% of the world population indulge in emo driving. nonetheless this can be reduced when hot chick would ask lonely, hopelessly romantic, loveloser emo guy to fetch them home late at night from work more oftenly, or for environmentally more ethical, to date us and love us profoundly so we would not be emo anymore and hence would not need to perform emo driving.

to conclude, hot chick plays a vital role in keeping the environment and earth from pollution. therefore I personally urge them to play a pro-active roles in keeping emo guy off the street and in bed with them, together, in the warmth of love and lust, for the sake of mother nature.

This is like... a focking disclaimer!

The calamity and predicament of personal 'profile' in the like of Myspace, Friendster, blogs and job application and others whatnot forms have long been getting in my nerve. I cannot seem to grasp the concept of describing yourself in the utmost sincerity in the sense of no intention to potray a certain trait that would imply some attention, either sympathically or superciliously. Suffice to concure, the only profoundly flattering form of honesty that I may induces on personal 'profile' is to write the obvious of how I want people to see me, however one might see I am actually the complete opposite. This highest noble act of honesty, thus indicate my unconcealable innerself upon admitting it with complete disregard of my own reputation or weather people intepretation and impression of me would be negative rather than positive, as these pretentious insecured lot are known to do.

I might be seen as pooking around on whatever which involves me having to represent myself, but I take this act of virtue as a form of mockery to those who have no balls to admit what kind of person they want to be and how they would like to represent themselves to others, like focking deep inside they heart, long been locked in the dark corner, surpressed by the mean people who enjoy putting everyone down.

you might be physically ugly, but you don't need to feel like you are, if you really dont feel like it.

you might be hopelessly unattractive, but you don't need to feel like you are, if you really dont feel like it.

you might be socially boring, but you don't need to feel like you are, if you really dont feel like it.

you might not be as cool and hip and hot as other, but you don't need to feel like you are, if you really dont feel like it.

I am not sweet and innocent, I have secret evil desire to fcuk my hot classmate. I dont need to pretend or convince others I am otherwise.

I am not dilligent and willingly committed to my duty, I'll take the first chances of 'lepak-lepak' with buddies whenever I get it. I dont need to pretend or convinces others I am otherwise.

I am not a "sweet, normal and simple guy, please fcuking pity me and love me". I am a desperate, lonely and miserable person and I want a hot, loving and interesting girlfriend to make me happy. I dont need to pretend or convinces others I want otherwise.

I am not "willing to work in a tense environment and capable of delivering a task within the given timeframe". I am unproductive especially in a tense environment, I can't stand it when my boss pushing me and babbling around and yelling at everyone and giving me shitload of work I can't even go home at 5.00pm sharp. And i want 5 digit salary with minimum workload. I dont need to pretend or convinces others I want otherwise.

And so i ask, HOW'S THAT FOR NOT BEING PRETENTIOUS?!!

Delayed Broadcast

This is a bit late, if my maturity began prospering by mean of self experiences at the age of 18 by now it’s already 5 years late to having much point of doing this blog. For the only reason I would want to write a blog is nothing more than having to say things that I can’t really say verbally in real life without making an acquaintance think I am a sentimental whimsical whinnee. I mean for me that’s not a bad thing, but being deep 24/7 is way too much and freaky even for me. There’s a limit of sharing life lessons, some are better kept to ourselves and some are better learnt ourselves. I’m not the type who would call a friend at 3.00am, “dude, I’ve learnt an utterly profound life lesson today, never left the car’s light on when… “. I mean there’s a proper timing and condition to these things, otherwise in malay a friend would think you are ‘buang tabiat’ (acting weird – usually a form of classic indication of your death is near). You only shares personal life lessons when they are needed, as an offering of help, an advice, an opinion, and moral aid. You share it to guide a friend based on your own experience to prevent the same thing from happening to them or to show them your moral support so they know they aren’t alone, that they aren’t the first person who joined and founded the club, and that god hate you no more than the rest of the memberships.

Life lessons that help me or you grow doesn’t come by the same manner nor does it come on a daily basis. Even for a hyper sensitive guy that would be too much to analyze, interpret and be absorbed (of course the harder and harsher one you just have to swallow painfully, these type are obvious in your face kinda twisted fate that require less analyzing). And most importantly each person would interpret every life changing event in their life differently according to their view of life. Some psycho always took things the wrong way. The more positive one have more tendencies to see everything as something that help you maturing, turn everything into a more positive drive toward empowering their mind. I hope I am one of them. Or the least, I like to think that I am.

And thus my point exactly, is to acknowledge here that I am in no truly entitled position to be compelled of inciting you with my VERSION of life lesson, especially by mean of everyday conversation. By god gives normality senseless poking fun shit talking a freakin justice. But, you are always welcomed to discover what’ve made me who I am. At least, that’s what blogging means to me. Blogging give me the chance and adequate time to truly analyze, interpret, making sense out of everything, concluding implicit answers and redeem my insanity to what life have bestowed upon me, the kind of therapy that coming from the clarity and sound thinking that I usually get from writing, and writing my heart out.

If life is truly a big freakin juicy story, regardless of how uninteresting and boring others may see, and if it was written and directed by god, so there bound and ought to be some moral behind it. Because I doubt it that god would write anything trash. And blogger are commentator of their life and everyone around them, they are the one who concluded if the stories make any senses. And then the stories-lovers, the opposed criticizers, the blog-whores, and the sympathizer alike, would do their job, weather they would cherish the stories, despise it, learn from it, relates to it.

The stories would end eventually, but feel free to keep tuning in while I and the rest of the story-teller a.k.a blogger, bother to document it. Nonetheless welcome to my show, staring me and the rest of the casts, directed by you know who. I don’t expect you to enjoy it thought.